You know how everyone talks about their "secret recipe" that's supposedly the best thing since sliced bread? Well, I actually have one, and it involves chicken, basil, mozz, some blue cheese, and a kick of hot sauce. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "Wow, groundbreaking!" But stick with me here; it's about to get good.

First off, let's talk dough. I went with a pre-made dough from @portlandpieco because, let's be real, who has the time to knead dough these days? Plus, it puffs up in the oven like a cloud with an attitude—crispy on the outside but still fluffy in the middle. It's like the dough version of me, minus the crispy exterior. You'll need the usual suspects for toppings: mozzarella that you've hopefully sliced without losing a finger, chicken (if you can grill it without setting off the fire alarm, more power to you), those cute little grape tomatoes, fresh basil because we're fancy, and the pièce de résistance—@franksredhot sauce and some blue cheese dressing that's so good it should be illegal.

Now, for the "cooking" part—if you can even call it that. Crank your oven up to 425 degrees, and let's get this party started. Slather that dough with some extra virgin olive oil because we're healthy like that. Shower it with garlic powder, oregano, and a pinch of salt—because flavor, darling. Pop it in the oven for a quick suntan, about 15 minutes should do. Then, it's time for our mozz to take the stage, followed by the chicken, tomatoes, and a sprinkle of green with that fresh basil. Hit it with a bit more garlic salt and oregano because we're not about that bland life. Back in the oven it goes for another 10, then give it a quick broil to make it extra Instagram-worthy.

Once it's out of the oven, it's time for the grand finale. Drizzle it with your hot sauce and blue cheese dressing like you're painting the Mona Lisa. Throw on some fresh basil to pretend we're eating a salad. And there you have it, the pizza that'll make you forget about your ex's cooking. Enjoy it like I did—without a single regret and possibly not sharing.