Let me start by saying, if you're looking for a roast that's tender, medium-rare, and melts in your mouth like the last snowflake of winter, then boy, do I have a tale for you. And yes, before you ask, I absolutely overcooked the roast in the photos. Nailed it, right? Nothing screams "gourmet chef" quite like turning a beautiful piece of meat into something that could double as a hockey puck. But hey, other than my little mishap with the laws of thermodynamics, this dish was a flavor bomb waiting to detonate with every bite.

Let's talk ingredients, because apparently, you need those to cook. Who knew? You'll need a small Eye of Round Roast, which I'm assuming is the eye of a very round cow; one small yellow onion, because crying while chopping is just part of the process; 3/4 cup of Kalamata olives, which are like the fancy cousins in the olive family; a whole stick of butter, because, well, butter; an assortment of garlic in powder, salt, and clove forms, because vampires; chicken broth, balsamic glaze, and some sprigs of rosemary and thyme to make it look like you know what you're doing.

First, I gave that roast a good ol' butter bath, because if there's one thing meat loves, it's a spa day. Then, I threw it into the slow cooker like I was aiming for a three-pointer. Sliced onions and Kalamata olives were tossed in around the sides like they were attending a meat pool party. In went the chicken broth, balsamic glaze, and a sprinkle of garlic in all its forms, because why not? Added the herbs last because presentation matters, folks. Then, I slapped on the lid and cooked it on high for 3.5 hours, or until it reached that perfect "not yet a hockey puck" internal temp of 125-130°F.

Listen, I may have overcooked mine, but do as I say, not as I do, okay? Take that roast out at the right temp, give it a cozy foil blanket for five minutes, and voila! You've got yourself a dish that's so good, it almost makes you forget about that one time you turned dinner into a potential lethal weapon. And let me tell you, those Kalamata olives? Chef's kiss. They add that perfect complementary bonus flavor that'll make you forget about all the tears you shed chopping that onion. So, there you have it. My not-so-perfect journey to making what could have been the perfect Slowcooker Round Roast. Enjoy, and maybe, just maybe, try not to overcook it like I did.