Let's get one thing straight: bacon is the duct tape of the food world. It fixes everything. Disagree? I'll wait while you reconsider your life choices.

First off, you'll need to arm yourself with the basics: shell pasta, mushrooms, a can of diced tomatoes (fresh from the vine or your local supermarket's canned goods aisle—no judgment here), bacon (the star of the show), and a bunch of other stuff that makes it look like you know what you're doing. Oh, and garlic. Because what's a kitchen without the lingering scent of garlic?

Picture this: a pot of boiling water on the stove, with me, the so-called chef, trying not to look bewildered. I throw in the pasta with a flair, feeling like a Michelin-starred chef. Meanwhile, in a skillet, bacon sizzles like the chorus of angels singing, mixed with garlic and lemon for that "I totally meant to do that" flavor. In go the mushrooms, tomatoes, scallions, and a splash of chicken broth to make it look like I understand the concept of "sauce." After a few minutes of pretending I'm not just winging it, the pasta joins the party, followed by an avalanche of Parmesan because, let's be honest, cheese is life.

After a few stirs and a sprinkle of magic (aka herbs and more cheese), it's ready. And by some miracle, it looks edible. Not just edible, but like something you'd actually want to eat. So, to my neighbor who can't boil water without summoning the fire department, this one's for you. The Tomato & Bacon Bomb-Shell: proof that with bacon, all things are possible.