Oh, where do I even start? My journey into creating the world's most unnecessarily fancy open-faced lobster salad sandwich began on a whim, because apparently, I think I'm some sort of foodie genius. You know, the kind that can add cheese to literally anything and call it gourmet. Lobster? Sure. Salad? Why not. A rubber boot? Give me enough cheese and I'll consider it.

So, here's the lowdown on making a sandwich that screams, "I'm trying way too hard, but also, you know you want it." First off, you'll need about three to four cups of frozen lobster tails, because who has time to catch fresh lobster? Not me. Then, grab a small yellow onion, because apparently, we're adding onions to this sea creature fiesta. You'll also need mayo (because it ain't a salad without mayo), celery salt, garlic powder, pepper, dried dill, and half a squeezed lemon for that zesty zing. Oh, and chives for garnish, because we're fancy like that.

Now, for the part where I turn a simple dish into something my Italian ancestors would shake their heads at: the optional ingredients. Grab a slice of Italian bread, some cheddar cheese (because cheese makes everything better), and if you're feeling particularly health-conscious, throw in some fresh spinach. It'll make you feel better about the mountain of cheese you're about to consume.

Making this monstrosity is easier than convincing yourself you need it. Thaw the lobster, drain it, then give it a good mashing — we're not making lobster soup here, folks. Chop up that onion and throw it in with the lobster, then douse it all in lemon juice. In a separate bowl, whip up your mayo concoction with a "decent amount" of celery salt and pepper. Mix that into your lobster-onion party, add the dill, garlic powder, and more celery salt because we're apparently trying to preserve ourselves from the inside out. Toast your bread, butter it, slap some cheese on it, and broil it till it's melty goodness. Pile on the spinach if you must, then heap on the lobster salad. Garnish with chives because, remember, we're fancy.

And there you have it, folks, an open-faced lobster salad sandwich that's so extra, it probably has its own Instagram account. Bon appétit, or whatever.